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You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave

2019.... I've been waiting for you. I avoided you. You held the hope of a new time, a time where there had to be less stress, less strain, more balance. Let's just get through 2018 and start again, I said. I avoided you because I felt that my wishing time away was wasteful, unappreciative, foolish. Let's just appreciate the here and now, I said. I don't know the meaning of difficulties, I said. I'm surrounded by blessings, I'm so lucky, I said. So, 2018 I flip flopped between trying to grip onto the fullness of you, and craving a lighter, future heart. The war began. 2018, you brought me joy, grief, challenge, growth, ambition, stress, worry, anxiety, heartache. I started a business, I appreciated the reality and potential of my new dream home, I held firm and facilitated core changes in my charity day job, I felt the burden of responsibility to parent well and raise a happy soul. I lost a grandparent, my family had challenges of heart and body, my marriag
Recent posts

Pardon?

It is a truth universally acknowledged that every single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. That has no bearing on anything I'm going to write I'm just having real difficulty thinking, and have done for the last two months. I've slowly come to imagine my brain turning into a big scrambled egg - and not the light and fluffy kind. (Delphie loves a bit of egg and avocado)

I can't live without... & I love...

This baby rearing business doesn't half come with a crapload of "must have..." pressure (temptation). I'm sure I read Pinterest's entire archive of "must-have" pins - most often at bedtime until my eyes started to burn -  and the recommendation lists were so epic it soon became clear I wouldn't fit them all in my house without sacrificing space for the actual baby. Who needs a cot? In typical Virgo style I got my shiz together, narrowing the avalanche down to a common sense list. 

6 month madness approaches

So people say, "It gets easier" to give us hope that the insanity of life with a young baby won't be life forever as we know it. But what happens when you haven't found life [braces]  that bad?  (please don't hate me), and the prospect of a crying, talking,  sleeping , walking, living doll* gives you sleepless nights.  Yes. I get sleepless nights from thinking about future rearing of an infant and not from real-time infant, because my angelic truffle of loveliness sleeps like the proverbial most of the time.  Ok, feel completely free to hate me. I would.

Pregnancy must-have's

I was very lucky to have had a fairly easy pregnancy, I know so many mothers-to-be struggle with pregnancy conditions and symptoms that they have no control over and can't do anything about. Hats off to them because, well, they are warriors! Even though my pregnancy was straight forward, here are some things that made it that little bit easier and I cheer about them having been invented...

It's a girl!

It happened!  At 11:35 on Sunday 11th October 2015 Delphie November took her first breath and my heart exploded.  It was such a shock to hear my husband announce we had a girl that it took me a few minutes to believe it.  She had a head full of dark hair and her eyes were pools of ink that stared up at me. She was a stranger in so many ways yet when she looked at me I already felt as if we knew each other.

Due: (adj.) under engagement as to time; expected to be ready, be present, or arrive; scheduled

Week in Summary Timeline: 40 weeks and 2 days Due date: Wednesday 7th October?? Symptoms: Clearly not enough of the right ones!  So over the last few weeks I've experienced the joys of lightning crotch on a frequent basis. I like to imagine bambino is pushing on that nerve just to keep me on my toes (and on my toes is just where I end up). The pain is over is quick flashes and thank God  because  if it  carried on I think  something would snap in two.  One word: itchiness. Just seeing the word gets me reaching for a scratch.  I've been getting insane itch attacks which just love to come as I'm cwtching down to sleep. After frantic repeated scratching of every available surface of my skin they don't stop . It especially loves to ramp it up when I get a little bit too hot - Cue the quilt hokey kokey each night! After mentioning it to the midwife she took some bloods to rule out obstetric cholestasis . They c ame back all clear so I'm putting it down